The Wrong VP Candidate Can Sink a Presidential Campaign

If you can catch a crawdad or an alligator with a smile on your face, you have a slight chance of surviving in Washington.

In Dick Cheney’s book, "In My Time," he discusses how hard it is to find a running mate. In fact, he was the person in charge of the committee to sift through the possible candidates.

The task was so daunting that he eventually volunteered to take the job himself.

It was extremely hard to find someone who could run slowly enough for George Jr. to keep up or who could carry him in a sack race.

His book could have been named "See Dick and Georgette Run."

What exactly is a running mate?

I think George Clooney, John Turturro and Tim Blake Nelson in “O, Brother, Where Art Thou?" when I think of running mates. "IIII am a man of constant sorrow, holy moly." OK, you may not like it, but that was pretty funny to think about.

In a recent poll, 74 percent of registered voters said the choice for who will run as the VP is one of the most important decisions a potential candidate must make. If you don’t believe this, just ask John McCain or George Sr.

Isn’t the relationship between being able to see Russia from your front door and foreign policy, about like watching "House" and being able to do complex brain surgery with a bad attitude?

Poor ole John’s book could be named, "The Gomer Pyle" Candidate, surprise, surprise, surprise. There were more surprises in that campaign than in all the boxes of Cracker Jacks produced throughout history, and they were worth about as much.

George Sr.’s book could have been named, "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?"  Imagine how hard it is to run a potato sack race with someone who can’t spell "potato."

Actually I will let that joke stand, but I must take it back. Dan has gone on to write a nationally syndicated column and had several bestselling books, proving he can, in fact, find and spell "potato."

So who will Romney pick as his running mate?

He has many choices, and the rumor mill is churning to beat the band. There is Rob Portman, who is known as a boring white guy, not my words. He seems the most likely candidate, but is immersed in the political good ole boys' system. This is a highly sought after quality desirable by potential presidents, but the last thing we as Americans need. Don’t we need someone who is a part of the good ole boy American public system?

Bobby Jindel is my pick. He has been referred to as the Doogie Howser candidate; it’s a sight better than the Gomer Pyle candidate. He can’t even see Russia from his front door, but if you can deal with the people of Louisiana, you can deal with anyone. That is not an insult, I have friends down there, when they read this they will smile a knowing smile. If you can catch a crawdad or an alligator with a smile on your face, you have some slight chance of surviving in Washington. Mardi Gras might be exactly the kind of foreign policy experience America’s been lacking.

Tim Pawlenty and Mitt seem to be cut from the same bolt of cloth, which may disqualify him. He and Mitt can demean and talk about Obama with equal amounts of venom; America needs less venom, not more, less fighting and more cooperation. The two of them together may, in fact, doom the Republican Party’s chances of making a decent showing. I’m sure he’s qualified; we know he can box and I believe he can do a fair hundred yard dash. Is he ready for the marathon that the 2012 campaign and the following possible presidency will be?

There are a few more, Paul Ryan, Kelly Ayotte and Mario Rubio, most less qualified than those above. Mitt could always surprise us and pick someone not on this list. People keep liberally throwing Condolleezza Rice’s name into the mix. She has said she will never run for either the number one or two positions and she is one of the only politicians I actually believe. It’s funny, I would vote for her. It’s my guess she does not want to ruin her good name.

Whoever gets picked better be capable of running like the wind, because the Obama camp, Bain and possibly the law, are going to be on their tail from day one. As I understand it, the fact that Mitt was the Captain and made a ton at Bain is not the issue. The issue is, did he sneak into a lifeboat dressed as a woman before the ship went down?  Mitt’s possible book, "Run, Forrest, Run," or "Bain Was a Pain."

I said it in 2004 the first time I saw Obama speak, and I’ll say it again now. That my friends is your next president. We may not like it, but It’ my prediction. 

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Lynda July 31, 2012 at 01:41 AM
Another clever column to enjoy! i am glad your recent illness is over and you are back to writing. Just one small correction. It is "Marco" Rubio. As he has been the co-sponsor of legislation demeaning women, we wouldn't want to forget his name for his next election.
Red July 31, 2012 at 01:12 PM
"refugee"Rubio is anti women, along with that guy from the ultra sound wand. Another is "emerged in the good ole boy system", Bobby has always only wanted a "Guvment job" but as an orator he's a dud(always reminded me of Alfalfa) the guy from jersey would "take-over" but we've already had a Dick in the VP slot and it just didn't work out. Why he and W aren't even welcome at the national convention. Maybe there's some loser out there that might take Mitt's boogie prize. Good God is Mitt the best they got?


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